From Beginning to End
by AJ Rayne
Summary: Shepard and Alenko's relationship from the point of view of those around them. Will cover both ME and ME2. There's a good chance I won't write this in chronological order, so hope that doesn't confuse you.
1. After Eden Prime:  Ashley

_Disclaimer: Bioware owns the recognizable characters...and probably even the unrecognizable ones.  
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**After Eden Prime - Ashley**

Ashley found Alenko sitting at the mess, his eyes unfocused as he spooned cereal into his mouth. She was feeling much better, thanks to Shepard's confident and steely-eyed leadership, and felt more like herself despite nearly forty hours without sleep. He glanced up at her approach and offered her a tired smile. She punched in a request for a light snack into the food dispenser and brought it over.

"Mind if I have a seat, LT?" she asked casually.

"Have at it, Chief."

Ashley studied him carefully as she sat. She wasn't one to keep to her own council but she hadn't figured out who she could talk to on the ship. Shepard was out. As much as Ashley admired her, Shepard seemed like the live by the rules type who wouldn't necessarily want to chat with her people. Alenko was much the same way, but he was cute and it wouldn't hurt to get to know him better.

"What do you think?" she asked without preamble.

"This cereal is soggier than I'd like," he replied without missing a beat.

Ashley chuckled appreciatively. Alenko threw her a crooked smile and put his spoon down.

"What's on your mind, Chief?" he asked, his voice on the edge of a sigh.

"Figured it wouldn't hurt to have a chat, LT," she replied with a shrug. "Since, I'm staying on and all. Shepard is something else, isn't she?"

Alenko merely nodded.

"She's got that certain something that the best commanders have; that quality that makes you want to follow them into the fires of hell," Ashley said thoughtfully.

"And something more," Alenko muttered. "There's just something...more about her."

When he looked up at her, he looked slightly guilty as if he hadn't meant to say that. That look was enough to pique Ashley's curiosity because she actually agreed with his statement so there was nothing strange about that. She thought she saw something pass between them in the med lab, but thought maybe her exhaustion was making her see things. She should have known better than to question her powers of observation.

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently, hoping he was tired enough to start digging his own grave.

"She's...different," he said helplessly.

"I got that, but how? I mean...I guess she's taller than your average woman."

At that, Alenko chuckled. "You'll see soon enough, Chief."

"Oh, come on!" Ashley exclaimed. "You've known her about a _day _more than I have."

He shrugged, but refused to say anything more. It didn't matter to Ashley. She'd marked him for observation already.

"Fine," Ashley said gamely. "I'll figure it out on my own."

"How are you holding up?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Tired, but I want to go to the Citadel with Captain Anderson and Commander Shepard. I want to see this through...I owe my squad that much."

Alenko nodded.

"What were those things, LT? Those...husks."

"I don't know, but I have a feeling it won't be the last time we see them."

"Chief. Lieutenant," Shepard said, making them both start. She was either surprisingly light on her feet or they were that exhausted.

Ashley opened her mouth to greet her, but Alenko shot to his feet, tossing her a crisp salute. She followed suit, mouth quivering with suppressed laughter. When she met Shepard's eyes, the Commander looked like she was having the same problem.

"At ease," Shepard said. "No reason for that, Alenko."

"Ma'am," he said, his stance decidedly not at ease.

"How are you feeling, Commander?" Ashley asked, sitting back down when Shepard took a seat.

"Better," Shepard answered with tired smile. "But..." She trailed off, shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts.

"What is it?" Alenko inquired, his gentle tone belying the rigidness of his expression.

Ashley threw him a look, her eyebrow raised, which he pointedly ignored. Shepard shifted in her seat. She clasped her hands on the mess table and fixed her dark eyes on them.

"Have you ever had a bad dream that refused to go away even when you were awake?" she asked thoughtfully. "That's what this vision is like."

She looked up at them, her jaw set.

"If anything, it's only made me that much more determined to take Saren down," she said, her tone booking no argument.

Ashley caught Alenko's eye and saw the approval she felt mirrored there. Maybe she did understand what he was talking about. Shepard definitely had...something more. But she definitely didn't have a crush on the Commander because of it, which was something Alenko couldn't say. He was practically sparkling at her. Ashley couldn't wait to see how this would play out.


	2. The Dance: Tali

**The Dance - Tali**

Tali watched Shepard and Alenko walk to the elevator, their heads close together as they talked. She assumed it was about the mission they were just in but their expressions did not appear to hold the gravity that Tali assumed was necessary for such a conversation. Though she hadn't spent any time with humans before now, she thought it was fairly simple to read their faces. Having lived behind a helmet most of her life, Tali envied humans' ability to communicate through their expressive faces and couldn't help studying them when she could. She'd never met a race so open to sharing their emotions. Even Shepard, whose bearing was stoic by human standards and bordering on a dramatic in others, was as easy to read as her omni-tool.

This particular behavior was new to her and she watched the Commander and the Lieutenant unabashedly. It was as if they were both trying not to display too much, but in an odd way that involved some expression that Tali could somewhat recognize as...coy. It seemed as though they were touching, despite there being a significant amount of space-and armor-between them.

From what she'd overhead from the female crewmembers, Alenko was pleasing to them, but he made himself unavailable to their interests. He was certainly a nice enough man, as well as intelligent and skilled in his biotics, and she assumed, by human standards, considered handsome. Or as Ashley Williams put it...hot. Perhaps like the female crewmembers and Ashley, Shepard also found him hot.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Garrus moving to stand next to her. She turned her head to greet him, but found he was watching the pair as well. Turians were certainly harder to read than humans, but she could tell that he was amused.

"I've had the opportunity to interact with humans at C-Sec," he said. "I believe the interaction they were sharing is called 'flirting'."

"Flirting? What does that mean?" Tali asked curiously.

"A precursor to mating."

There was a snort of laughter behind them and Tali turned a puzzled look at Ashley.

"Flirting was what they were doing last month, and mating is probably what they'll be doing next month," Ashley explained, looking at the now closed elevator doors. "But what they're doing now...well it's in-between. It's the dance."

"They did not appear to be moving in a rhythmic way that I recognize, Ashley," Tali said earnestly. "Is it an ancient human dance?"

Ashley laughed and patted Tali's shoulder. "You could call it that."


	3. Watchman:  Joker

_Author's Notes: Bioware still owns these folks and they sure are fun to play with._

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**Watchman - Joker**_  
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Joker stifled a yawn and reached for his _n_th cup of coffee. It wasn't until he lifted it to his mouth did he realize that it was empty. He glanced at his displays to see who could be called upon to bring him another cup and was not shocked to find the Commander and Alenko sitting in the mess, deep in conversation. He didn't need to switch the audio on to know that they were in their own little world, as they have been the past few months and he wondered if it was worth talking to either of them about what was going on around the ship about their alleged relationship.

It was no secret that the Commander spoke to Alenko with increasing frequency, and Alenko was having trouble keeping his eyes in his head whenever she was in the room, though that little detail was something Joker kept to himself. He knew Alenko very well since they had spent countless hours in the cockpit together and he liked to think that the other man as one of his closest friends on the ship. That was why despite Alenko's excellent pokerface, Joker could tell what the other man was thinking and all those thoughts were outside the reg books. As for Shepard, Joker wouldn't have expected this type of behavior from her, given that she seemed so by-the-book-buttoned-up but the fact that she unerringly sought out Alenko every chance she had made Joker think Alenko's affections were most likely not one-sided.

Joker certainly had not expected to watch a soap opera unfold during one of the most dangerous and important missions of his life, but he appreciated the distraction it afforded. He would never admit it to anyone, but deep in the pit of his black, sarcastic heart, he was a bit of a romantic. Life was too short and if this Saren crap was going to play out the way he thought it would, they were going to be in for a wild ride. Unlike the Commander and Alenko, he didn't give a shit about Alliance regulations like fraternization. If anyone deserved a little something something before (and after) blasting the hell out of a bunch of robot action figures, it was those two. There was nothing more satisfying than two seemingly morally upright officers breaking the rules to get down and dirty.

He leaned forward in his seat as Shepard smiled at something Alenko said, the expression softening the hard lines of her face. She was a beautiful woman in an Amazon warrior kind of way, her face a study in control and perfection. Joker preferred the softer types, but he could still enjoy looking at her, even when she was admonishing him about something or another. Alenko seemed to enjoy it as well as he smiled back, trying not to look too pleased with himself for making him laugh. Then, a crewman stepped into view and they both immediately went into officer mode. Shepard nodded at both of them and left, her stride purposeful and she was out of view in a heartbeat. Alenko started to follow but Joker took this to be as good a time as any to get his cup of coffee.

"Hey, Kaidan," Joker said into the comm. "Would you mind bringing me a cup?"

Alenko looked up into the camera and put a hand to his ear. "Sure, Joker, I'll be right up."

And he really was. Before he knew it, Joker had a steaming cup of coffee under his nose.

"You would have made an excellent waiter," he commented, taking it from Alenko.

Alenko grinned, as relaxed as Joker had ever seen him and he wondered if it was his presence or Alenko's conversation with the Commander. Joker decided he wasn't a compelling enough conversationalist or have legs like the Commander to pull the stick out of Alenko's ass. It'd have to be the Commander's doing.

"How's it going up here?" Alenko asked, settling down in the navigator's seat.

"Not the same since you stopped being my co-pilot," Joker said with a mocking sigh. "I've had no one to talk to for days. You guys get all the fun."

"It's not as much fun as you think."

Joker took a sip of his coffee and grimaced. He forgot that Alenko tended to drink it black whereas he preferred more of a 'coffee with his sugar' situation.

"If you talked to Wrex more often, you would think otherwise," Joker remarked.

Alenko chuckled. "He takes some getting used to, but Wrex is someone you definitely want at your back when things get hairy. I'll admit, a part of me does think it's 'fun' or at least exciting, but when I come back here and I have nothing else to do but think...it's tough."

"Always the drama queen," Joker said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "Try sitting here for hours at a time and then we'll talk."

Alenko put a hand on the back of Joker's chair. "Believe me, I would like nothing more, but the Commander seems to think I need to be on every mission."

Joker had to smile at the note of pride in Alenko's voice. "Guess she thinks you'd make a great target, too."

"She must. I better get back to work. Let me know if you need anything. I'm going to be up for a while."

"One more thing before you go," Joker said, turning his head to look the other man in the face. "You got anyone special? You know...someone whose picture you carry in your head when you go into battle."

Alenko went from looking like his old self to a statue resembling himself. He stared out into the streaming ribbons of light as the Normandy sliced through space, and if the Joker didn't know any better, he could see panic in the Lieutenant's eyes.

"I was just thinking," Joker explained. "You know, about the whole Saren thing. We're staring down a long, dark hole here and it could be our last chance before the end times."

"You're more pessimistic than I thought," Alenko said stiffly. "Commander Shepard will make sure we put up a good fight before that can happen."

"You've got a lot of faith in her."

"I've seen her in action. It's...inspiring."

"And the answer to my question?"

Maybe he pushed too far, but when Alenko looked at him, Joker had the feeling the other man knew what he was trying to get at. Then, he glanced at the live feed from the mess and let out a small sigh, understanding on his face. Joker braced himself for the worse, but Alenko merely stepped back.

"Yes," he said, curtly. "Yes, I do. Will that be all, Joker?"

"Sure, Kaidan. We'll talk again later."

Alenko threw him a crooked smile, shaking his head in bemusement. Giving Joker a nod, he turned and left. Joker turned back to his instruments, grinning.


	4. Warrior: Wrex

**Warrior: Wrex**

Wrex watched Shepard speak to Garrus and snorted in derision. She spent an inordinate amount of time "getting to know them better", which he would never understand. She fought like the fiercest battlemaster he'd ever seen, but once she was out of her armor, it was as if she hadn't just screamed orders into his helmet and ran headlong into a line of firing Geth. She joked with Chief Williams, calmed Garrus' fears, and listened thoughtfully to the Quarian. She even spoke to him. At first, he'd been resistant, but eventually her persistence annoyed him enough to have a short conversation with her, if only to make her go away.

Despite himself, he did appreciate her curiosity about the Krogan and the genophage, and she most certainly had his gun in any battle. For a human woman, she was a sight to behold when she fired her biotics and her shotgun with a precision he had never seen before. If it wasn't for the socializing, she would be the perfect warrior. Battlemasters were supposed to treat their subordinates as little more than pawns on a chessboard; this is not to say that lives were tossed away, but everyone had their place.

And then there was Alenko.

If the rest of them were pawns, the Lieutenant was Shepard's King. Many a time, Wrex had seen her put herself in danger for him and vice versa. Shepard preferred taking Alenko and Wrex on planet-side missions more often than not, and Wrex had the pleasure of snorting in derision in the middle of battle just as many times. For every time Shepard broke cover to provide assistance to Alenko, he had to fight not to grab her by the scruff of her neck to yank her back down. Of course, he knew her well enough to know that if he did do that, he could look forward to a rifle butt smashing down on his face not a moment later.

Human courting rituals were not something he studied, but from his observation of Williams' exchanges with various male crewmembers, they varied. Williams had a constant smile on her face, often touching whoever it was she was speaking with, and laughing in a different way than she usually did. To his relief, he had noticed no such behavior on Shepard's part which would most certainly drop her in his esteem. It seemed the way she showed her emotions was through battle.

Finished with Garrus, Shepard approached him, her expression neutral.

"Wrex," she said, nodding at him.

"Shepard."

She started to speak when the elevator doors opened and Alenko stepped out. Shepard acknowledged him with a quick smile and he nodded back, but she turned back to Wrex. Alenko made his way to his locker.

"Everything alright?" she asked.

"Are you mated, Shepard?"

To his surprise, a reddish color spread across her face. She blinked rapidly, speechless at his question. Wrex wondered if he should have put it another way.

"Do you have a mate?"

Shepard cleared her throat and rubbed the back of her neck, in a gesture that Wrex recognized as discomfort. He also became aware that Alenko had stopped whatever it was he was doing at his locker and while he was not facing them, Wrex knew he was listening. Williams, who was standing by the weapons cache, seemed particularly interested as well.

"Uh...no. No, I'm not...mated," Shepard stammered in a way that he'd never heard before.

"Is there an age in which humans are supposed to be mated by?"

"Uh..."

"Depends on who you talk to, Wrex," Williams said, coming to stand next to the Commander. "If you ask my mother, she'll say as soon as someone asks."

Shepard chuckled at that.

"Mine wouldn't disagree with her," Alenko added thoughtfully, closing his locker door.

"Really, LT? I would have thought she'd have worn you down by now. What are you, like 40?" Williams teased.

"Very funny, Chief," Alenko said, arching an eyebrow at her before turning to Wrex. "What about for Krogans, Wrex? Is there a time when a Krogan must be...mated?"

"Because of the genophage, we do not have the luxury of mating in the way that humans do. Our females do the choosing and we comply with their wishes."

"I guess that's one day to do it," Williams remarked, then she turned to Shepard, her expression innocent in a way that told Wrex that she meant the opposite. "What do you think, Commander? If you could choose that is."

"I'm not Krogan, Chief," Shepard said with finality. "And I'm sure we all have work to do."

"Ma'am," Williams and Alenko said in unison, snapping her a salute. Alenko made his way to the elevator and Williams turned back to her work.

Shepard started to turn away but Wrex took a step towards her.

"Do you not wonder why I asked about your mate?" he asked, his voice low.

She studied him carefully. "No, I don't, but let me tell you this: we have a mission to accomplish and nothing will get in my way to do it. I'm an N7, have been for a long time, and what that means is I have made plenty of difficult choices in my life, some more painful than I like to think about, but I choose my job every single time and I get it done."

They stared at each other for a beat. Wrex stepped back and nodded.

"Shepard."

"Wrex."


	5. Virmire: Ashley

**Virmire: Ashley**

They came in waves that were never ending. Ashley fought exhaustion back, but the edges of her vision were starting to blur and her heartbeat was loud in her ears. Next to her, Captain Kirrahe was yelling orders, but fewer and fewer Salarians were responding. Her lips curling in a sardonic smile, Ashley knew that this may be the end.

"Can you hold this position, Chief?" Kirrahe screamed over the explosions around them. "I need to get down below and help them hold the line!"

"I'll do what I can, Captain," Ashley said, firing off a shot and praying silently that she hit something important.

Kirrahe nodded and ran towards the steps and almost immediately, he fell when a shot landed on the back of his head. Ashley looked way and took a deep breath. There were a half dozen Salarians left standing and when she risked a look above the crate behind which she was taking cover, she saw that at least 4 times more Geth coming their way.

Her helmet comm crackled to life.

"The nuke is almost ready. Get to the rendezvous point, Williams," Shepard barked.

"Negative, Commander," Ashley replied, willing her voice not to shake. "The Geth have us pinned down on the AA Tower. We're taking heavy casualties. Captain Kirrahe is dead! We'll never make it to the rendezvous point in time"

Ashley popped up and fired off a few shots, aware that Shepard was ordering Joker to pick them up.

"Negative!" she screamed. "It's too hot! We'll hold them off as long as we..."

A grenade detonated near her and Ashley ducked as shrapnel fizzled against her shields. She fired off a volley of shots, taking down almost as many troopers. She ducked down and let her rifle cool, but pulled out her pistol, blindly firing over her head as she caught her breath. On Eden Prime, she'd been on auto-pilot, working through the grief of losing her entire squad, but here, it was different. She could feel every second, every heartbeat. And she counted how many breaths she took when a Geth dropship blocked out the sun. In the back of her mind, she thought about how she'd cheated death once...it looked like he wasn't going to let that happen again.

"Heads up, LT," she said breathlessly. "We just spotted a Geth dropship headed to your location."

"It's already here," Alenko replied in a harried voice. "There's Geth pouring out all over the bomb site."

"Can you hold them off?" Shepard demanded.

"There's too many. I don't think we can survive until you get here," Alenko replied. "I'm activating the bomb."

Ashley watched as another Salarian fell and the Geth got even closer. She fell back to a group of crates a few feet away, listening to Shepard and Alenko argue about the bomb and Alenko telling Shepard to rescue her.

"Screw that!" she retorted as she aimed down her sights to take down another trooper. "We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko!"

Shepard's silence made Ashley hold her breath. She blinked rapidly, fear gripping her heart.

"Alenko," Shepard said quietly. "Radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site."

"Yes, Commander. I...I" Alenko stuttered.

"You know it's the right choice, LT," Ashley said, resting against the crate behind her, barely aware of the shots whistling past her.

"I'm sorry, Ash," Shepard said, her voice like steel but to Ashley it was as soothing as a lullaby because the last thing she needed was an emotional CO. "I had to make a choice."

"I understand, Commander," Ashley said, closing her eyes. "I don't regret a thing."

She tilted her head back. Joker closed the channel but Ashley knew he was still there.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said.

"Do me a favor and open a secure channel to Alenko, Joker," she said. "And...goodbye."

"I won't forget this, Ashley. None of us will."

"I know."

The channel clicked over and Ashley heard the muted sounds of gunfire and Alenko's ragged breathing.

"LT...Kaidan," she said, smiling sadly.

"Ash...I..." he tgasped. "I'm sorry."

"Don't waste this," she said.

"I won't," he said.

"Kaidan, don't let rules and regs dictate your life. Don't...don't waste what you have."

"Ashley," he said darkly. "She didn't choose me because of that."

"I know that, but I'm just telling you what you need to hear. And tell Joker to donate my winnings to my memorial fund," Ashley's smile widened into a grin. "Consider these my last words."

"Thank you for everything, Chief," he said, the warmth in his words spreading over her.

She closed the connection and picked up her rifle.


	6. Doubt: Garrus

**Doubt: Garrus**

Garrus sat in the silence of the mess, lost in his thoughts. It had been nearly a year since they started out on his mission and despite that short time, he felt like the Normandy's crew had become his family. While he'd had dealings with humans during his time in C-Sec, he hadn't had the opportunity to work with them in such close quarters until now, and he counted himself lucky to be a part of this crew. He hadn't spent much thought about it until now, until the pain of losing one of them made him aware of how close they had all become.

When he looked at the seat in which Williams usually sat, an unfamiliar ache started in his gut. She'd been difficult to get to know at first, but after he'd sniped a geth sniper aiming at her, she'd warmed quickly. As far as human females went, he recognized that she was more opinionated and brusque than most, but in the middle of a firefight, she was a capable warrior. He considered himself fortunate for having the honor of fighting next to her and he knew he wasn't alone.

He was lost in his thoughts when Shepard entered the mess. She looked tired, her shoulders slumped. Her long, dark, wavy hair was loose around her shoulders and it was then did Garrus realize how young she looked, as far as humans went. He could only imagine how she was feeling, having lost her team on Akuze and now this. She poured herself a cup of coffee and she sat down across from him.

"How are you, Garrus?" she asked.

"I should be asking you that," he countered.

She let out a noncommittal sound, her finger idly tapping against the side of her mug.

"You should have something to eat. Aren't you hungry?" he asked.

"Not really. I just needed to get out of my cabin." She looked down at her clasped hands. "I spoke with Ashley's parents."

"It hasn't even been a day since...since Virmire, Shepard," he said, surprised.

"I think they deserved to know. Ash would have wanted them to know. I think it was better for them to know right away," she said, her words tumbling over each other and betraying her exhaustion.

Garrus nodded and they lapsed into an uneasy silence. She looked down into the inky blackness of her coffee. Garrus didn't know how to deal with human grief and from the looks of things, Shepard didn't either. Her mouth worked as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't get it out.

"Did I make the right choice, Garrus?" Shepard finally asked in a strangled voice.

He stared at her. He'd always thought of her gaze as laser-like, her brown eyes sharp with intelligence and focus, but they were cloudy with emotion and uncertainty now. Gone was her military bearing, her decisiveness. Her question was as human as they came and he didn't know what to say.

His silence seemed to make her snap out of her anguish. Before his eyes, she straightened, her expression wiped clean. It was as if he was watching her put herself back together. But her eyes...

"I'm sorry," she said, her tone flat. "I don't know what came over me."

She started to stand but he put up a hand to stop her.

"Why did you choose Alenko, Shepard?" he asked.

She sat back down. "Our success depended on that bomb going off. I didn't choose Alenko. I chose the bomb."

"He'd already armed it. It was going to go off," Garrus pointed out.

"I couldn't be sure that Saren could disable it and I wasn't going to take that chance. Ash is a good soldier, one of the best, and I thought...I thought she could hold on long enough for us to get her."

They stared at each other. Garrus saw something in her face that he didn't like and he knew that the last thing they needed was a Commander who second guessed herself. There was so much more at stake here and he was afraid of what this death would cost not only Shepard, but all of them. If there was anyone who could take Saren down, it was her, and he wasn't going to let her give up now.

"It's always hard to lose a soldier. Even harder to lose a friend," Garrus said gently. "But it's impossible if you don't trust the reasons why the decision was made to choose one friend over...another."

Shepard rubbed a hand down her face. "She spoke to him."

"What?"

"Ashley. She spoke to Alenko before we reached him."

"How do you know this?"

"I don't know if Joker made a mistake or not, but he connected me when she requested a secure channel to Alenko."

Garrus blinked. "What did she say?"

"She told him...she told him not to waste what he had."

Leaning back in his seat, Garrus regarded her thoughtfully. "What does that mean?"

Shepard took a sip of her coffee.

"To me, it sounded like she suspected I went back for him instead of her because of...because of what some may perceive as an inappropriate relationship," she said through clenched teeth.

"I think considering what we're up against, nothing is inappropriate," Garrus said, matter-of-factly. "And Ashley...she would think more of you."

Shepard only shook her head.

"She thought highly of you," Garrus remarked. "I'm sure she told you that, seeing as she wasn't one to keep her thoughts to herself. She was a good soldier and in her place, my last thought would not have been about something so petty. My last thought would have been about giving my life up for the greater good, which she did."

"I can only hope that she did," Shepard said, sounding tired.

"Do you want to know what I think?" he said, leaning forward.

She didn't answer.

"I think you're a good soldier and an even better leader. I think that you haven't made it this far, having done what you've done, to let your emotions affect your decisions. This one was not an easy one and you're too good to have let something outside of the mission parameters make up your mind."

"You may be giving me too much credit," she said, but she gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Garrus."

She stood and started for the bridge. He hadn't expected to say those words, but they came tumbling out of his mouth all the same. And Garrus knew that what he'd said to Shepard was the truth. He and the crew had watched Shepard and Alenko circle each other, had even placed wagers on when Alenko would make his move. With a smile, Garrus remembered that Ashley had proposed the wager, citing the fact that when it came down to it, as buttoned up as Alenko was, he was still a man and a woman's self-control would outlast a man's anytime.

Yet, he knew that neither Shepard nor Alenko would ever put their relationship above the mission. Shepard made the right decision and she would every single time. But at what cost to herself? Garrus sighed and not for the first time did he not envy her responsibilities. The Council knew what they were doing when they picked her.


	7. An End: Hannah

**An End: Hannah**

Hannah Shepard was numb. In the decades she'd served in the Alliance, she'd lost people; a good leader often did. It had hurt, but she went on. This was the first time that she felt that she could not.

The casket she sat in front of was empty. In her hands, she held a folded Alliance flag but she was barely aware of it. What she was aware of was how alone she was. The seats next to her were as empty as the casket that was supposed to be for her daughter. Behind her, hundreds stood to pay their respects to the Savior of the Citadel, but few of them had known her daughter personally and so they kept their distance.

The crew of the Normandy were seated behind Hannah. There hadn't been time to speak to them but they had acknowledged her as they sat down. She recognized some of them and had a handful serve under her in the past, but all she could think were these were the people her daughter had fought with.

She stared stonily ahead as Ambassador Udina then Captain Anderson spoke. They had asked her if she wanted to speak and she knew she should have, but could not find the strength. Time seemed both fast and slow as she sat alone and listened without listening, one hand clenched around the flag, the other around her daughter's posthumous medal, the Star of the Citadel, on top of it.

It took her a moment to realize that the service was over. She blinked and started to stand when she found that a young man had come to move next to her. When she focused on him and looked past his crisp navy blue dress uniform with its perfectly lined up buttons, she recognized his name and his face from Anderson's reports, official and unofficial. As such, she was not surprised to see the pain etched across his face was deeper than what one would expect from a crewmember. She'd wondered when he was going to speak to her.

"Captain Shepard," he said, his voice a low rasp. "I...I served with your daughter..."

"I know, Lieutenant Alenko," Hannah said kindly. "Walk with me."

If he was surprised that she knew him, he didn't show it. He fell into step next to her and they walked away from the crowd, both conscious of the eyes on them.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he said, seeming to need something to say.

"And I am for yours," she said.

He looked sideways at her, surprised. "I can only imagine what you're feeling, Ma'am, but thank you."

"I am fortunate to have had almost 30 years with my daughter, all of them happy," she explained. "But you only had 2 of those years, Lieutenant. It doesn't seem fair, and I can only imagine your grief."

He stopped and she faced him. His eyes were dark with emotion, but he struggled to maintain his control. Sighing, Hannah took a step towards him and held out an arm, clutching the flag and medal to her chest with the other. Hesitating, he accepted her embrace but when his arms went around her, she felt him release a heavy sigh.

"I loved her," he said quietly into her ear. "I never told her, and I wish I had."

"I'm sure she knew," Hannah said with a sad smile. "I wish...there are so many things I wish."

Alenko stepped away from her, running a trembling hand through his hair. His smile wobbled as he looked at her.

"When I look at you, I see her," he said sadly. . "It's like...looking at her future. Or what it might have been."

Hannah nodded.

"She was always looking at the future, my girl, but never have I met someone who so lived in the present. The way she died, saving her crew, is what I expected of her."

They began to walk.

"You know, she was always a cheerful child," Hannah said, feeling the need to talk. She hadn't talked to anyone about her daughter since she got the news and suddenly realized she was with someone who wanted to listen, almost desperately so.

"Even though we moved more than was comfortable, she always accepted each move with a smile and endless optimism," she continued. "I always told John, that's her father, that we were lucky to have a daughter like her."

He smiled. "She adapted to situations in a way I'd never seen before. It was one of her many strengths, but probably the one that got her the most attention. She had a Krogan, a Asari, a Turian and a Quarian ready to follow her to the ends of the universe because they'd all seen the way she commanded and how everyone she took with her always came home. We...all of us would have followed her anywhere she wanted to go."

"I didn't want her to join the Alliance, you know," Hannah confessed. "I wanted her to experience what it's like to have a more...sentient life. I grew up on Earth and I wanted her to have that, but after spending all of her life in space, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that she opted to stay there."

"She looked out of the Normandy's windows whenever she could," Alenko said, his thoughts far away. "She told me once that she didn't like being planetside because she felt like she was too far from home."

"For all that she did, graduating top of her class and essentially being unable to do anything badly, I never would have expected what she's done," Hannah said. "She was always good at what she did, very good, but the first human Spectre? Saving the Galaxy? I am...was...so proud of her."

"What was refreshing about her was that she never wore any of her accomplishments like a badge," Alenko told her. "Everything she did was just part of the job and she did her best to get the job done. In all my years in the Alliance, I never met an officer like her. In my entire life, I never met a woman like her."

"You must be something special yourself," Hannah said quietly. "She mentioned you once, and it was enough for me."

"What did..."

Hannah took a deep breath, afraid of what this might mean for him. Her daughter was never one for many words, so when she spoke about something, about anyone, it was important.

"That you were...unexpected," she said simply.

He broke off and looked away. Hannah studied him carefully before putting a hand on his arm. When he turned back, she held out the medal to him.

"I'd like you to have this," she said carefully. "I think she would have liked you to have it."

He took it, holding it in the palm of his hand. "Thank you."

"Take care of yourself, Lieutenant," Hannah said gently.

"You, too, Ma'am."


	8. Conflict: Miranda

**Conflict: Miranda**

Miranda read over the dossiers that the Illusive Man had sent about the team that Shepard was going to assemble. Rag tag didn't even describe half of it. Her lips curved into a wry smile as she considered the woman they had just resurrected, for lack of a better term. Two years ago, Shepard had been the CO of the crown jewel of the Alliance. She was a hero many times over and to be a member of her crew meant that you were the best of the best. Now, _she _was the crown jewel of _Cerberus_, her crew was made up of mercenaries and vagabonds, and she was going to seek out the most talented criminals in the galaxy to be her crew.

Oh, how the might have fallen.

Still, for someone who'd been dead for two years, Shepard was adapting surprisingly well. If she wasn't, she was doing an excellent job of hiding it. It only went to show how right the Illusive Man was in believing Shepard was The One. What she didn't bother hiding was the fact that she thought she was surrounded by the enemy.

The faint strains of classical music floated in the air as Miranda concentrated on her work. She was halfway through the dossier for the Assassin when her doors slid open and Shepard entered. Miranda looked up, a faint and practiced smile on her face, to greet her, but that smile faded when she saw that Shepard had worked herself up a bit. Fists clenched tightly, her eyes glowed red and her scars seemed more deeply etched in her face as she met Miranda's eyes. Yet, even as Miranda watched, she pulled herself in, wiping her expression clean and relaxing her hands.

Clinically, Miranda considered that they had rebuilt her well, and could fairly say that they made her a better version of what she used to be. Despite the scars and some superficial changes, Shepard was still a beautiful woman and when she was angry, she reminded Miranda of an avenging angel. Her dark brown, almost black hair, framed her face but only served to emphasize the angles of her face. Miranda herself was a construct of female perfection, but for someone who came about that honestly, Shepard was a sight to behold.

"Do you have a moment, Miranda?" she asked politely, but there was an undercurrent of tension in her voice.

"Of course, Shepard," Miranda replied smoothly. "What can I do for you?'

Shepard sat down in one of the armchairs across from Miranda's desk. She smoothed her tunic, briefly frowning at the tell-tale black and white Cerberus pattern.

"So from what I understand, you were responsible for the Lazarus Project," she said coolly. "Would I be wrong in thinking that you know a lot about me?"

Miranda leaned back in her seat and clasped her hands on the surface of her desk. She tilted her head to one side, regarding Shepard thoughtfully-or at least, wanted to seem like she was thoughtful. In fact, her mind whirled with the reasons why Shepard would be here with those questions and what she could say to push Shepard down the path she wanted her on.

"We invested a lot of money in you, Shepard," Miranda said. "We needed to do research on you to make sure you were everything we thought you were; turns out, you were."

"What does that mean?" Shepard asked, her mouth twisting with poorly disguised disgust.

"We took note of not only the major events of your life, like surviving Akuze and saving the Citadel, but the motivations and exact actions that led to them. You were almost too good to be true, but everyone we spoke to only had good things to say, even the people who didn't like you."

Shepard stared at her and Miranda had to admit the red glow of her eyes were somewhat unnerving. She made a mental note to speak with Dr. Chakwas about getting some regeneration equipment to fix that.

"You looked into my personal life," Shepard said pointedly.

"Of course. We needed a complete picture of your mental and emotional state. It was certainly more challenging, but I believe we have a complete dossier of your life."

"How do you know it's complete?'

Miranda smiled. "Well, I suppose we don't. Only you would know for certain if we captured everything. For instance, we know about the day your biotic powers emerged was the day of your best friend's birthday party. You were seven and when you were all singing happy birthday to her, your biotics flared and pushed the cake off the table and into the faces of four other children. Needless to say, you were both popular and feared after that day."

Shepard didn't say anything and her expression gave nothing of her thoughts away. Miranda found it easier to read the woman on paper than in person and found she did not like the sensation of having to guess what her creation was thinking. Her temper spiking, Miranda couldn't help herself. She leaned forward, her blue eyes icy.

"Or perhaps we can talk about the day that you lost your virginity..."

Shepard glared at her and Miranda smiled smugly.

"There are few things we _don't_ know about you, Commander," she remarked.

Her facade cracking, Shepard blinked rapidly and Miranda could see the gears turning in the other woman's head. Whatever was bothering Shepard was enough for her to come down here and start this confrontation. Almost lazily, Miranda thought about what those issues could be, checking her mental dossier of her subject.

And then it came to her.

"How are you liking your quarters?" she asked, a corner of her mouth tilting upwards.

"They're...fine," Shepard answered, frowning at the abrupt change in subject. "Bigger than I'm used to."

"You have everything you need?"

"I..."

Shepard stopped, her lips clamping shut as she suddenly understood that Miranda knew why she was there. Her dark eyes narrowed, shining with something dangerous and Miranda was reminded that she was sitting across from a highly-trained, special forces soldier and Spectre. She instinctively put a hand on the pistol strapped to her thigh and had wondered if it had been such a good idea to place that photo on Shepard's desk, but her curiosity had got the best of her. Needless to say, it was bait and Shepard fell for it. From the looks of things, she recognized that, too.

"Did you speak with Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko?" Shepard asked flatly.

"You mean Staff Commander Alenko? No, I did not," Miranda said, seeing no reason to lie to her. "But crew members talk and I just happened to hear a few things."

Shepard's jaw worked. "Then there are some things you don't know," she spat.

"There were, but with you here now...well, it looks like I've gotten a few things cleared up."

In the blink of an eye, Shepard's biotic energy flared and she launched herself from her seat, leaning across the desk to put her face directly in front of Miranda's. To Miranda's credit, she stayed where she was, but her own corona came to life. Her breathing grew shallow as she stared into the other woman's scarred and glowing face.

"Stay away from him," Shepard said, her voice low and cold. "You got me back, you did your job, but your job is done now."

"You're wrong, Shepard," Miranda said, leaning back and crossing her legs casually as if they weren't seconds from blowing each other up. "You've been awake for how long? A month? You could fall apart any day now and I'll have to put you back together. Don't forget where you came from."

"I don't fall apart," Shepard said, pushing off the desk and sending datapads clattering to the ground. "Stay away from him."

Miranda watched her walk away and waited until the doors closed before letting out a sigh. Well, at least she got that question answered. Shepard had a weak spot after all and the Illusive Man will be happy to hear it.


	9. Cupid: Tali

_Author's Note: I know Tali doesn't get recruited until after Horizon, but I couldn't help myself. (Also I started writing before researching and once I start, I can't stop!_

* * *

**Cupid****: ****Tali**

Tali stared at the back of Shepard's head then back to Kaidan's face and then back again. She didn't know how, but even the back of Shepard's head looked tense. _The__Dance_, she could hear Ashley saying.

But it looked like neither Kaidan nor Shepard knew the steps to this dance.

Next to her, Garrus shifted uncomfortably and she turned her head to meet his glance. Turian eyes didn't have the same range of human eyes, but what he was doing was giving her the equivalent of an eye roll. Shepard had told them before they left the Normandy that Kaidan was stationed on Horizon, and they understood she had chosen them to go with her because she trusted them to keep her council, no matter what happened to him down there. From the moment they had set foot on the planet, Tali knew that Shepard was preparing herself for the possibility that Kaidan could be dead or have been taken by the Collectors.

Yet, here he was standing in front of them, everything he wasn't saying to Shepard on his face.

Tali had seen his expression when he pulled Shepard close, the rawness of it and she felt guilty for not reaching out to him these past two years. She'd been so involved with the issues on the Flotilla that she assumed everyone else had moved on. They had mourned Shepard together, but had left each other as soon as they could. For her, it was because the pain of having lost a friend was too much and looking at the others reminded her of what they had been through. She still had nightmares about Ilos and the Citadel. For Kaidan, all that was probably amplified because of his relationship with Shepard and when he needed them, they left him. Then again, he didn't reach out either.

It was easy for Tali to conclude at that moment that they were all a little broken.

She and Garrus couldn't hear what Shepard and Kaidan were saying, but they didn't need to. As suddenly as he showed up, Kaidan started to go. They heard Shepard ask him to join her team, and he refused without hesitation, disdain written all over his face. Tali wondered how much of that was pride and how much of it was hurt. In any case, his answer hit the mark. Shepard turned around, looking as vulnerable as Tali had ever seen her and she pushed past them both.

"I'm done with this planet," she mumbled. "Joker, get us out of here."

Tali stared at Kaidan's retreating back and before she could think about it, she ran after him. She heard Shepard say her name sharply but she ignored her, silently praying that Shepard wouldn't berate her for it. She was a little more ill-tempered these days.

"Kaidan!" she called out. "Wait!"

He stopped but didn't turn around. Tali moved to face him and she put her hands on his shoulders, anchoring him in place should he decide to walk away from her, too. He looked older than she remembered or maybe it was because he was tired, but he didn't look none too happy to be stopped by her.

"It is good to see you, my friend," she said kindly.

"I wish it was under better circumstances, Tali," he said with a small smile.

"Are you certain you do not wish to come back with us?"

"I can't," he said, looking away from her. "I can't..."

"She needs you," Tali said quietly. "She's alone on that ship, Kaidan, even with me and Garrus there. She is always watching her back. I don't know what they did to her..."

"Are you so sure it's really her?"

In her helmet, Tali rolled her eyes. Joker had explained the term 'zombie' when Shepard threatened to blow his head off for calling her one in jest, but she'd hoped Kaidan was a little more even-keeled than to believe in reanimated monsters. Besides, Shepard looked nothing a monster.

"Look into your heart. What do you think?" she said exasperatedly.

"I don't know what I think," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Two years, Tali."

"I know."

"I tried to forget her..."

"That would be impossible."

"Yes, it was."

"If not for her...how about for the galaxy?"

Despite the situation, Kaidan's lips twitched into a reluctant smile.

"Tali..." he started.

Shepard called her name again, but this time her tone was like ice. Tali stepped back.

"We'll talk again soon," she said.

"Sure," he said.

Tali was glad for the opacity of her helmet as she jogged back to where Shepard and Garrus stood. The fierceness of Shepard's expression was usually reserved for her confrontations with Miranda and Tali wondered how the Cerberus operative could stand it. It was like staring down the barrel of Shepard's Eviscerator shotgun just before she pulled the trigger. The ride back to the ship was tense and Shepard mouth was set in a thin, stubborn line. She also still had the aforementioned shotgun in her hands rather than holstering it, but Tali recognized the gesture more as a shield than a threat. However, she also knew better than to say anything and apparently so did Garrus because for once, he stayed quiet.

Shepard still said nothing when they docked. She stalked off to the elevator and didn't bother waiting for them before hitting her destination and letting the doors close. Tali settled next to Garrus on the low bench by their lockers.

"Well, remind me never to get on her bad side," he remarked as he put his weapons in his locker.

"Alenko was stupid," Tali said, irritated on behalf of her commander and friend. "It was not her fault she ended up on this side of line. You would think blowing up a few Cerberus facilities would prove her loyalties, not to mention breaking several rules to be with him, but he wanted to see what he wanted to see."

"It's not all his fault," Garrus said. "She didn't explain herself."

"How do you know?"

"They talked for five minutes!" he exclaimed. "I would imagine it would take her longer to explain the situation. Shepard is a military leader through and through: she doesn't see any reason to explain herself and what she says goes."

"That is not always true," Tali argued. "I have had many good conversations with her..."

"That was before all...this," he returned.

"You cannot change a person's heart, Garrus, even the second time around. She is just having a hard time getting used to working with Cerberus. She hates them and now they expect her to do their bidding. Not to mention having to command a ship full of them!"

"Okay, okay," Garrus said, holding up his hands defensively. "Why don't you save that for your next conversation with Alenko. What did you say to him anyway?"

"None of your business," she replied loftily.

"I could probably guess. Violins were playing as he confessed his love for Shepard and his pain at losing her..."

"Shut up, Garrus."

He shrugged. "They're soldiers, Tali, and we're facing possible galactic annihilation, so I'm sure they need to focus their energies on other things. They've made their choices and that's that."

"Did you see her face, Garrus?"

"You mean the scars?"

"No, you bosh'tet. After he refused to join us. She was...I cannot even describe it. We have been through so much together, have lost so much, and I had never seen her look like that. It was as if...as if she had lost the last thing she had."

"Are you sure you're not over-romanticizing this, Tali?" Garrus said. "For all you know, all that back on the old Normandy might have just been a way for them to release some stress..."

"No!" Tali said, scandalized at the idea.

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess they're not those types of people. It's just that the last thing we need is a lovelorn commanding officer."

"I do not think I would call her lovelorn, exactly," Tali said thoughtfully. "Hurt. Confused. But not lovelorn."

This time Garrus' sigh was more long-suffering than thoughtful. "Fine, look at it however way you want. I will say this; we sure could use Alenko's gifts on these missions. I'd rather not be watching both my back and front when we have Miranda or the teenage Krogan with us."

"On that we can at least agree."

Garrus studied her. "You're a little right and a little wrong about them, Tali," he said evenly. "And this is their business, not ours. If there's anything I can be sure about, it's that. They're both...private."

"Then they should have thought about that when they were dancing around the last Normandy," Tali snorted. "Even Wrex saw it and he can barely see!"

At that, Garrus let out a chuckle. "That is true. Still, it's not like we can do anything about it beyond kidnapping Alenko and throwing him onboard."

Tali's silence at that suggestion made Garrus frown.

"We're _not_doing that!" he exclaimed.

Tali shrugged. "Well, I do not know what we can do then."

Garrus turned so that he could look her full in the face, or helmet, as it were. She regarded him thoughtfully, seeing the seriousness in his face.

"Tali, not everyone has had the same experiences you've had the last two years," he said carefully. "I decided to play vigilante. Shepard decided she would become undead and Alenko decided he would be the best soldier he could be to forget her. We all changed and it probably wasn't for the best."

"Garrus," she started, but he held up a hand to silence her.

"Let them figure this out on their own," he continued. "With the way Shepard's doing these days, I'd really hate for you to be jettisoned into space if you poke around where you don't belong."

"Fine."

He paused then narrowed his eyes at her. "You're going to go after Alenko, aren't you?" he asked.

Tali tilted her chin up. "Yes."

"Your funeral, sister."

"I am _not_ your sister."

"Ain't that the truth."


	10. Cupid: Kasumi

_Author__'__s__ Note__: __So__ pretend __like__ you __saved__ before __landing __on__ Horizon __just __to__ see__ what __would __happen __with __different __squadmates__. __I __mean__ you__ know__...__who __does __that__? _

_

* * *

_

**Cupid****: ****Kasumi**

Kasumi let out a breath when Shepard finally put her shotgun down...or at least lowered it. This was not usually how she did business. She found ways to get in and get out with the least amount of attention because attention usually meant trouble. Besides, what kind of thief _wanted_attention, besides bad ones, that is. Shepard seemed to feel differently about that, if the mangled bodies of Geth and Collectors behind them was any indication.

However, unlike their other outings, Kasumi was surprised at Shepard's recklessness this time around. There was a desperation in the way she was running them through this, and Kasumi had half a mind to question her about it. For instance, the positioning of their defeated enemies vis à vis Shepard's winding path to where they finally stopped would tell any astute observer that she walked right through the middle of this firefight. From what she'd experienced, Kasumi assumed Shepard was more of a strategist, using both her biotics and weapons to her advantage, and was not ashamed of using cover. Maybe Shepard just didn't feel like using her tried and true methods today, but Kasumi wished she'd brought Garrus or Jacob instead. A delicate Asian thief was not built for this.

Kasumi glanced at Grunt. The Krogan seemed to be...grinning. Well, he probably enjoyed the battle and it was with visible reluctance did he holster his weapon. Wincing, Kasumi tried to shake out the strain in her hands. She made a mental note to gently remind Shepard that she was a Master Thief and as such, her hands were her livelihood. She thought she was being brought on to pick locks and safes, not provide cover fire for a soldier hell-bent on visiting places most likely to be attacked.

Suddenly, she became aware of Shepard moving and putting her arms around another marine, and they held each other for a beat longer than what one would expect from a friendship. Kasumi's mouth fell open as Grunt reached for his weapon, but she waved him back and took a step closer. When she got a better look at the man Shepard let even come that close, she couldn't fault Shepard's taste. Despite a feeling that Shepard wouldn't appreciate her eavesdropping, she started to creep closer...

"Back off, Kasumi," Shepard said without looking behind her.

Pouting, Kasumi stepped back to where Grunt stayed, rooted to the spot.

"What's happening? Who is that?" he asked.

"Shepard's boyfriend, it looks like."

"Boyfriend? Her mate?"

"If I were to guess, I'd say they're mated alright," Kasumi replied with a grin.

Grunt threw her a strange look, but refrained from comment. She was sure the first thing he was going to do when they return to the ship was look up human mating rituals on the extranet and probably set off a few alarms doing it, but that was his problem. She was more interested in the mating rituals going on in front of her. The conversation Shepard was having with her _friend_was winding down to an interesting close. From the bits and pieces Kasumi could hear, he was not particularly impressed with the company she was keeping. Her eyebrows rose when she heard the word 'love'. Or was it '_loved__'_? Since they weren't embracing again, she would have to guess 'loved'.

Too quickly, he walked away and Shepard turned on her heel, her expression as dark as Kasumi had ever seen it, and that was saying plenty. She pushed past them and called Joker for a pickup. Kasumi, not one to tread lightly when her curiosity was in charge, moved to stand next to the Commander.

"So, who was that?" she asked lightly.

Shepard looked at her, looked down really, with narrowed eyes. Kasumi had to will herself to stay put under the glare of those red corneas.

"We served together on the last Normandy," Shepard said curtly.

"He was pretty cute, Shep. What's his name?" Kasumi pushed on.

"Alenko. And keep your eyes in your head Kasumi."

"Well, well. Guess _served__together_is an understatement, hm?"

If it was possible for Shepard to look more fierce, she certainly accomplished it, and Kasumi clamped her mouth shut, mimicking turning a key. Shepard glared at her before turning away.

The ride back to the Normandy was tense, but Kasumi did her best to feign relaxation. She lounged in her seat, her legs crossed casually, as she watched Shepard without watching her. Fortunately, the only thing Shepard was focused on were her own thoughts and she ignored the other two like a pro. Kasumi's first impression of Shepard was that she was a hard-nosed soldier who didn't take crap from anyone. Her impression certainly didn't change after their little visit to Bekenstein though Shepard did manage to wear a little black dress with the same flare she did her armor-that is, with a utilitarian air and nothing more. It was a shame, because she could have gotten more out of it.

It was only now did Kasumi see that the Commander was indeed more than a two dimensional war machine because underneath it all, she was a woman with a broken heart...or maybe it was worse. Maybe she was a woman who'd lost her heart. Kasumi certainly knew something about that.

Shepard's rather wicked looking shotgun sat on her lap and she gripped it tightly as she stared out the window. The corners of her mouth were curved down and her breathing was rapid, shallow. If Kasumi didn't know any better, their fearless leader was close to breaking down. She was relieved that Grunt was not aware enough to realize what was happening because she was sure the last thing Shepard needed were questions about her eyes leaking.

When the shuttle docked, Shepard was out the doors like a shot, but Kasumi ran behind her, squeezing into the elevator before Shepard could close the doors on her.

"Kasumi, don't think I won't blow your brains out if you don't leave me alone," Shepard said through clenched teeth.

"I just want to make sure you won't blow yours out first," Kasumi replied simply.

Shepard punched the emergency stop button and whirled on the other woman, keeping her balance as the elevator screeched to halt.

"Do I look like someone who wants to have a chat right now?" she demanded. "I am your commanding officer..."

"Actually, you're not," Kasumi pointed out. "I'm not a commissioned anything. You could say, I'm here voluntarily."

"Well then you better understand who I am and why you need to follow my orders..."

"I was angry, too, Shep, when Keiji died," Kasumi interrupted quietly.

Shepard pressed her lips tightly together and looked away. "No one died."

"You did."

The look she threw Kasumi was sharp and Kasumi knew she hit the mark.

"He's just angry because you left him," Kasumi said reasonably. "It doesn't make sense, but that's probably why he wasn't that excited to see you. When Keiji died, I wanted to crawl into a black hole and shoot everyone in sight at the same time."

"You're different," Shepard mumbled.

"How?"

"He's pragmatic. He's a marine. He doesn't think like that. You...you're like a big beating heart."

Kasumi decided to ignore that last bit, but only because she needed Shepard to focus on what she was saying. Ignore didn't mean forget.

"Thinking has nothing to do with it and even soldiers go with their hearts sometimes or else you wouldn't be this...prickly," she said. "Give him a break. Yourself, too. Did you really think everything would be okay? I'm going to guess you probably didn't call him the second you woke up."

Then, Kasumi realized that she knew why Shepard seemed so bent on blowing through everything in their path. She'd known Alenko was at the end of it.

"When we were on Horizon, all you wanted to do was find him, didn't you?" Kasumi asked. "Were you really thinking when you walked up to that Harbinger Collector to punch him in the face? Well, thinking of anything else besides Alenko. Sometimes, even the first human Spectre has to acknowledge her feelings."

Shepard sighed and rubbed a hand down her face, but her shoulders loosened and her expression cleared.

"Thanks for reducing all my fine work into a desperate quest for love, Kasumi," she said smoothly. "Is that all?"

"You tell me, Shep."

"Don't call me that."

Smiling, Kasumi hit the emergency stop button and the elevator hummed to life.

"See, isn't it better when we share?" she asked.

"No," Shepard retorted, but she smirked. "If you tell anyone about this..."

"You'll blow my brains out, I know."

Shepard nodded. "Glad we understand each other."

"Yeah...me, too."


End file.
